nut hugger
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
love makes seman taste better
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
