I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
