I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
