i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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