I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
