WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
