Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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