There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize