I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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