Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
