She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
