Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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