Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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