Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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