Will you blow on my dice?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
