she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
