I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
