Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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