This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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