how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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