omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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