I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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