I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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