Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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