OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
