end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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