Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
