It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Alive.
So much puke
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
