I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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