dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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