No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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