I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
