Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
