I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just sucked dick on a ferry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize