Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
