I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
