guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
