he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
