I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
