Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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