K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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