found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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