it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
