at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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