seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
