my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish you could order shots online.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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