Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
