god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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