you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
