Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
