dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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