I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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