I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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