Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
