The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
