His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
