There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
